sylvia_bond: (Default)
[personal profile] sylvia_bond
 So yesterday, I blitzed on the job hunting, and went downtown Boulder to check out a place I'd applied for. Pretty cool building, so I'd be happy with that job. Then I wandered down the street to a local coffee shop there. Amante's Cafe or something. It was snowing, so it was a very artistic walk. The coffee shop was a bustling little bistro with English soccer on the TV and a loud Welsh announcer, so not the ideal place to "linger and chat" as the advert advised. So I couldn't really write write, although the two gents sitting next to me were having a very INTERESTING conversation about power games and mind control (he had a freakish boss, apparently) and how he'd just lost his job that day, and how he was kind of glad to be out of that abusive relationship, where it had gotten to the point where every time he met or saw his boss his whole body would tighten up and he would start shaking. 

I'm taking notes like mad, right? It's good stuff, to hear it come out of someone's mouth like this. Might be good if I needed notes on a story about mind games. Then his friend asked him, why didn't you leave earlier than this? Why didn't you speak up? So the guy goes, get this, "I've always been rather negative about those stories where I hear of abused women, wives, you know, who are in a relationship where the guy beats them, her husband, and I'm like, leave, woman, what's your problem? Just leave. Until now. Now I understand why they can't leave, they can't speak up. They blame themselves. They're ashamed. Like I blamed myself. I was like, you start blaming yourself. How do I fix this? You start having a certain kind of response. His mere presence set me off.  I never understood it. As for talking about it? Forget it. I felt...stupid for being that scared. Now I know."

Can you imagine having that kind of revelation? 

PS The coffee was great and so was the chocolate croissant

Date: 2008-01-10 06:04 pm (UTC)
amalthia: (Default)
From: [personal profile] amalthia
oh wow, what a powerful revelation and I feel for the guy that he was working in such an awful situation. My husband had a similar experience at his last job and I kept encouraging him to look elsewhere for another job (because really he was the abused woman in this job senario) and I'm glad it worked because he's so much happier at the new place with a boss that respects him.

I just hope this guy is able to find something better for him as well.

Date: 2008-01-10 06:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sylvia-bond.livejournal.com
Your poor husband! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to break out of something bad like that. Because a lot of the time, you tell yourself that you're imagining things. So, I'm glad to hear he had the guts to move on!

As for the guy...his friend was a good listener. And the guy was taking a close look at what happened to him, so I'm thinking he'll be able to move on to something better. I'm, like, hooked on coffee shops now.

Date: 2008-01-10 06:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] delibby.livejournal.com
so not a good place for 'writing' but wow you totally scored on a place to take notes on people's issues. I think that could be even more helpful. Go you!

Date: 2008-01-10 06:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sylvia-bond.livejournal.com
At first I was peeved, because the tables were so close, and the coffee shop is not one I'd go back to to write, but it was a nice place for a chat. So I'm just making notes, outlines, and these guys were loud enough to hear clearly. Funnily enough, I was working on an outline for a story about control - why do some people let other people do that to them? Serindipity rules!

Date: 2008-01-11 06:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catalenamara.livejournal.com
Fascinating conversation; it's interesting to hear the male side of this particular issue. This also proves hanging out in coffee shops is good for the writing process....!

Date: 2008-01-15 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sylvia-bond.livejournal.com
It doesn't always have the greatest results writing wise, but it sure is fun trying. I recommend it highly!

Date: 2008-01-10 06:16 pm (UTC)
pie_andcoffee: (fairy)
From: [personal profile] pie_andcoffee
you know, this was awesome. thank you so much for sharing.

and yeah, i like to hang out in public places like libraries and coffee shops and bistros and boutiques, observing the flora and the fauna, so to speak. plot bunnies hop into my lap and start licking me.

Date: 2008-01-10 06:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sylvia-bond.livejournal.com
No kidding! It's amazing how a remark like that can spark off a whole train of thought. I'm going to another coffee shop today, so we'll see what turns up. It could never be as good as this one was. Could it?

Date: 2008-01-11 03:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imkalena.livejournal.com
That's genuinely fascinating! I think it's the kind of epiphany most men *never* have. If for some reason they encounter someone in power who's abusive, they just get really angry much later rather than admitting they were ever afraid or self-doubting.

Date: 2008-01-15 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sylvia-bond.livejournal.com
Funny how that works. I think what first caught my ear about this guy was how well-spoken he was. And then when I heard what he was saying, I was hooked. And yeah, his personal insight to his own inner workings was amazing. Not what you normally encounter. They were both drinking tea as opposed to coffee.

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